Haad Ved

 "Smell the discharge with utmost proficiency. The fragrance  will tell you whether it is infected or merely a debris of cell." I still recall the orthopedic Dr. Rege's commandment as he himself relished the hair standing odor. Who on earth smells patient's offensive discharges? We do have modern able laboratories to find out about the hidden secrets of human body. Infact the sample collected is given its due importance by sending to testing where an expert gentlely picks you up from the rest of the mediocre elements. Very diligently places you on a sterlised bed of glass slide. Gives you the warmth of the coverslip. Finally observes you under a high power microscope to look at for terrorist attacks on your body. Life ho toh discharge jaisi. What a royal treatment! But no, Dr. Rege denies these luxuries to his patient's discharge and only by his smelling instinct will the verdict be declared. 

Another one of his not so stylish remedy is the human saliva. According to him and why only him infact documented medical literature too says that your saliva is a good antiseptic. Seen the stray canines licking their wounds to glory? Nope. Oh, you were busy rushing your pup to the vet as he wasn't wetting the tiles often? I understand a major catastrophe for you. Not straying away much, I am here to launch the new antiseptic SALIVA. Hindustan Lever might have to leave the Hindu's Land for then who will do Dhote jao, Dhote jao for a minute.  

Now now. Ladies and gentlemen don't go on licking every visible surface to disinfect the homeland of corona! Back to Dr. Rege, human saliva is the best first aid for a bruise or open injury. The jury in you questions  so should we spit on it or lick it in mouthfuls? Spit on it. Get the angst out of all the advertising fancies which have fooled you all these years. Don't dig your teeth into me, again this is what Dr. Rege says. 

Such innumerable incidents make me remember him fondly for being the poor man's surgeon. No unnecessary fuss. No flashy pomp. Just a pair of gloved hands and brainful of real knowledge, the theatre is set to create miracles. As the anaesthesia makes its way into the patient's senses, the OT comes to life with Rafi's song. Occasionally, Dr. Rege breaks into a chin chin chu as he fixes a major broken bone. All with a ease and established results. 

His case taking can bring a halt to Koffe With Karan. "Patla ki pani jaisa? Barabar se bolo." Precision before the incision while examining a case of osteomelitis(infection of the bones). Not relying on even his trusted aids. Now drifting away a little. Trusted aids is the Pedder road terminology for CHAMCHAs. One whose only efficiency is licking the teacher's ass, wounded or not. No disinfecting properties over here, only exam topping strategies! Dr. Rege has very few to his credit as he is a man who eats straight from his hands. Dresses the patient with bare hands and speaks volumes of medical encyclopedia at his bedside. So Chamchas have no place in his plate most of the time. 

This is not the end of his excellence. He is a Dashavatar. No Kamal Hasan here. But one of his many facets are his vivas. Completely ossified young male and female bones quiver outside his cabin on the not so auspicious day of surgery vivas. His robust aura and cold stare can make any Trump run for his trumpet. Can't recall what he asked and what I mumbled but he was kind enough to clear me through. Maybe he just could smell decency from a distance. 

Whoa!!! What makes me write about a long, long untold story today! Years have passed by, though he is still alive. Don't start leaking your saline waters. Save them till he comes up with a theory on the human tears, who knows maybe as an antidepressant rather than an antiseptic. Or is it already one? We better wait for the Haad Ved to give his verdict. 


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