The goodbye

 I step back. The gulmohar has bloomed in full vigour. The canopy of bright yellow and orange flowers filters the sharp sun rays. The rays reaching you are as soft as a baby's fur blanket. Not scorching, not pricking but gently providing warmth, as if giving a company from distance without letting you feel claustrophobic. The leaves rustle as the wind tickles them playfully. Some golden, auburn ones shed their inhibitions and kiss mother earth beneath. Of one tribe, one can't distinguish the just fallen from the eternally lying ones. Very peacefully, the dried community makes a place for the new arrivals. For some time they all unanimously, comfort and cuddle each other. Soak themselves in the moment of supreme unity. As if knowing that the next moment can be of departure, and goodbyes are not always easy. 

The wind today is very mischievous, for he again starts the tickling and this time in a mood to set his charges topsy turvy. The serene golden brown leaves, get carried away from mother earth to rest on another of her lap, at another moment in time. The goodbye is not that really difficult but impertinent. The wind is now tired and gasping like a rave child who has run miles before finally finding a place to rejoice the stolen mango from the orchards. It breathes swooshing dust particles, for it can no more carry the weight of dry leaves. 

I close my eyes to prevent the notorious particles from blinding my sight. It seems like ages, I have been watching all of this without blinking. Eyes closed, I remember that I am here on an excursion with my troop and past hour or so I have been stuck at a place admiring the slow ways of nature. For a moment, I go paranoid at the thought of getting lost in the wild. I fear the leaves will swallow me in their crisp debris. Mother earth will bury me back in her womb. The roots will entangle me to use up my skin and flesh to flourish in green. I open my eyes and search for directions and again the wind blows, but this time just over my face. As if assuring that even if the leaves swallow me or the earth buries me, it will carry my scents to my loved ones. Slowly, steadily it will blow over their worried senses, conveying that I'm safe. Safe and happy in a place where one day, I will be beckoned to go. I can imagine those taut muscles relaxing and a smile spreading as the fresh lease of air has brought a fresh perspective to their minds. The goodbye is happening happily, each forgiving the other mutually. 

The wind stops its caressing and they open their eyes to the light, the light now not filtered but pure and simple. The light seeping through their ignorant pores and filling them with the knowledge that I'm not gone but now have travelled still closer to their existence. I can experience them without words, even before the thoughts have charged them up, I realise the discomfort. But without discussion, they need to relax that I'm perpetually next to them yet in my world. 

The excursion has been a deep one for me. Now I can leave without an early goodbye not bothering about school fees and bedtime stories. I can leave without longing for amicable farewells. I can just leave when the time is right. For after me, the wind will blow, the sun will shine and someone in form or matter will fill in the pores of vacancy. 

Death no longer scares me. A mother may die but not her love that is omnipresent and forever.

I can now shed the inhibitions and fall brown and happily dry to join the dead tribe.